Naomi (demeanour) wrote,

I'm so tired

I remember sunlit mornings when he made me smile, soft laughter and tender words that kissed my heart. 'Twas all a dream though, some foolish fancy who tripped into my life and danced merrily through my mind. And let me fall.

Would I decline that walk in the park if time spun back to those dragonfly days? No. And it's not that I'm with Tennyson on this one, just that beauty and truth shone brightly for a few hours of midsummer magic.

I found words back then. I'm finding life difficult. Now I don't seem to be able to say anything. It all comes out wrong.

Today we were talking about Christmas and how we'd be spending it. I said maybe one day I'd have my own place (yes, I know I've this tiny flat but it's not big enough to have them here for Christmas) and that they'd come and see me instead of me going there. He said he hoped that would happen, not only in my own place but with my kids too. Ah, so easy for him to say. I'm not the easiest person to know. And what's he say to that? Your heart is in the right place, that much I do know.

He seems blissfully unaware how I feel.
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